“We shouldn’t always have what we want: it spoils the best of us, doesn’t it?”
― Anne Bronte
Convenience spoils people. It is an obstacle to being a better version of yourself. It gives pleasure, but it keeps you from brilliance.
Pampering is the word that separates us from people of previous generation or the less fortunate ones. Every parent wants the best for their child, the best school, a healthy environment, a good future, a risk-free life. Sometimes they want it because they did not get any of that. So they want their children to have the best things. Every possible convenience the child can have: school busses, ready-made food (breakfast, lunch and dinner), good toys, best school, fancy stationery, gifts on birthdays etc etc. The list is never ending.
What does the child learn in this process? He learns that he will always have enough resources and that he doesn’t need to own the responsibility for anything.
But if we were to think about that child, he suffers a lot of harm in this habit of getting pampered. This child will always be dependant on people for one or the other thing. He will need constant appreciation all his life, without that he will start to wither. You will need to hold his hand throughout his journey, he will be lost the moment you leave him. And seriously, when do you leave him? You probably leave him at the riskiest crossroad, when he turns 20 or 21. All of a sudden, you want your child to be responsible. He needs to do everything he hasn’t done before. He feels pressurised and broken.
Is it his fault? No. A child grows up and becomes a reflection of what he has seen and experienced. Not everyone is born with wisdom. They do not have greatness thrust upon them. By spoiling your kids, you fail their chance of even achieving it.
It is important to realise that sudden expectations from this “never really grown up” person will not help him. You have saved him all his life, you have protected him hard enough to not let even a drop of blood spill out from his body and now you ask him to fight his own battles. You want him to get through them. Will he? Most probably, he won’t. He will be scarred and may not heal. He will never be able to figure out what went wrong. He would try to stand up to what you have imposed on him and he will lose himself. Once he is scarred, it cannot be reversed.
What we fail to understand is that time is needed for change to occur. When you want change, you must allow room for it, where the person can breathe, he doesn’t suffocate. He will try to bring out the best in him and he may/may not succeed. But if you fail to appreciate his efforts, you will leave him in a mess. Love has harmed him. And love will continue to do so, because all his relationships will suffer. He will find himself trying to fulfil people’s expectation of him and will lose his own identity. And there is no love that can heal that. None.