Finding solace in silence

The world was rattling endlessly and lamenting over their grief. No one stopped talking. They all wanted to be heard. Nobody wanted to listen. A situation of endless chit-chats and confusion. Among the quagmire, there sat a face, silent and calm, as if lost in some other world. The eyes were still, not clear though. They were too complex to watch. There was a strange silence on her face. A silence that had probably come to her after years of talking and having no listeners. She looked back and did not smile. Hers was a genuine face, a bit worn out but subtle. She appeared to be an introvert trying to fit into this place. She didn’t seem much familiar to the surroundings. She probably was drinking for the first time. While I was observing all this, soft music played in the background and she seemed to love it but wasn’t too open about it. She then took her phone, probably got a call or something and she said a word or two and disconnected the call. It was most probably her mother. As soon as she disconnected, she finished her drink and went out. She had however left her purse. I felt it as my duty to go after her and give it to her, only if it was possible. Just like her, I was sitting there alone, basking in the gloom of my loneliness and observing the strange crowd. I exited the door and looked around. There was a crowd gathered on the road, muttering and whispering about some accident. I struggled through it to see what had happened and I found the girl. She was lying there in a pool of blood. I was distraught. Minutes earlier I had seen her drinking and she looked quite okay. People were talking about how she threw herself in front of the incoming car. I was numb. For that moment, I felt nothing. Someone checked her pulse and …nothing. She was dead. I opened her purse to check if I could find someone to contact. Nothing. I looked around for her phone but couldn’t find it. My thoughts were too scattered to make out what to do next. Somebody had called the ambulance and she was taken away. I got back home, her purse still in my hand. I took it not for money, there was none. I wonder how she paid for the drink at the bar. There was only a piece of paper inside. I was nervous. I didn’t know whether to open it and read or to just throw it away. Finally, I opened it. It read:

“I am glad you found this. I know you will be curious. Everyone is curious when people die or are about to die. It is only then they listen. I just want to tell you that I am ending this life not because I am selfish or a coward, as many people would say. I am a brave girl who fought for too long. I fought with my family, with friends and with my lover. I fought with every person I found. Why? Because nobody listened to me. Because I had a story to tell, I had feelings to share. But nobody heard. They all said just one thing that I was mad. I was depressed and that I need help. But even if I did, they weren’t there. They didn’t want to hear a thing. That was the only help I needed but never got. So here I am. I will probably jump off a building or throw myself in front of a running car. But please don’t be scared. I am happy to have my words heard. At last. I hope I find peace on the other side, if it exists. Thank you for listening, it was all I needed.”

By the end of the letter, I was stunned. I did not cry. I folded it back again and put it back where it belonged. I continued with my daily life. But with one change. I decided to hear when people want to be heard and I decided to not keep my story inside. I will give it a form, maybe written words. But I will not die.


The Lost Love


We were running into nothingness

Embraced by the shadows of each other.

On the tracks going parallel to life

Close but still miles apart to hold hands.

Your high held head and invincible steps took you far

We decided no turn without hugging.

There were many I crossed running to chase you

And I found you nowhere.

There are no marks on the parallel track now

May be you didn’t wait, didn’t look back.

I fell many a times but never dressed my wounds

I wish this track of mine is destined to heaven

I will wait for you as nothingness ends up in good.

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Loving a stranger

Fallen on knees
to propose the man
of her dreams
in her head.

Steal glances
when he would not be looking
silently loving his smile
and listening
to every word he utters,
always listening.

Butterflies in the stomach
when he would pass by
finds it hard even to say a hi
not a moment goes without
thinking of him
not that he is aware
of her admiring him.

Hard to put it into words
what goes inside the head
where does one find the courage
and shed one’s dread.

The time is running 
and it won’t stop
when you have got the chance
why let it drop.

Worst that would happen is
he won’t reply
you will have your answer
he might say goodbye
and you can
keep the moments spent loving
and move on
keep yourself busy
now only if it was
all that easy.

The world asked
how did you fall
for a stranger
and it was hard to reply
but you must know
even your own people
leave and say goodbye
then why with a stranger
should she not give a try
why not listen to the calling
but cover up the truth
with a comforting lie?

Now if one were to
Listen to the world
One would rather die
What society accepts
A girl falling in love
Let alone
Her falling on knees
And saying a hi.

Never loved

From the time the man

entered the world

he was

never loved.

Day after day

went toiling

searching for meaning

trying to believe

what he heard

he was never loved.

Hunger could go

with the bread he made

thirst with water

lust with opposite sex

cold with fire

all he did

that he was told he must

but he was never really loved.

When the time came for him

to dust

he realized

what it was to trust

his own gut

and follow his heart

and in life

it is only about

your own part

once you know how to love yourself

you will know

it is the love for

self that lasts.


Raindrops falling

from the sky

they say

it happens when God cries

I say

they are

tears of joy

that fill the world with

a new zeal

render smiles across

all they touch

who knew tears would

have an impact as such

Do not hold back

for fear of what they may say

the beauty of nature

is never in beholding

but in giving away.

Fear of Love

What makes you fear?
the pain of rejection
or the joy of a yes
rejection will teach you
yes is just a yes.

But what if yes teaches a lesson
and rejection is better
and how can I know
if a yes will last
what if with time
I become his past.

And how can I be sure
if rejection plays a good part
initially hurts
but the pain goes fast.

Too much of doubt in the head
it seems all absurd
this idea of falling in love
but if he is on your mind
telling him won’t hurt.