Today was officially my last day in office. Yet I have had almost a hundred people ask me, “What now?” Yes, hundred. Mostly because there were like so many marriages and obviously people have so much of free time. I avoided their questions by keeping myself engrossed in doing work (basically making tea for around 50 people) but still the questions didn’t really end.
The funniest was when one of my aunts asked if I left the job because I was getting married! I killed her in my head in the most brutal manner possible and I simply smiled. I will definitely use her as a subject matter in one of my stories someday! That’s one of the main reasons people don’t like writers I guess.
So, while my head already is in a dilemma and is afraid of what lies in the future, people only try to increase my worries. Now if I submit, what’s the point of being brave all along. Well, whether I am stupid or brave will be decided in some time. But till that time, I can at least assume that I am brave. 😀
While I write this a part of me cries thinking what now and part of me says there’s a long way to go. While i love working, it became more of a distraction and i believe that shouldn’t happen.
For someone who loves to experiment, life won’t be boring. Even if it is, I am pretty sure I can still manage to laugh. At least I can torture people with my comic strips and for as long as people continue to read the blog, my story is heard. I exactly know now why I write. One of my friends couldn’t do it, say or write, and he chose a different path. He chose to end his life. Only if we had been there to try to listen to the small things he had to say, such a thing wouldn’t happen. Remember always,” the red washing down the bathtub can’t change the color of the sea at all”.
Clearly I am freaked out! But this too shall pass. Or so I hope.
A web, woven of love,
delicate strings attached,
upon which her emotions reside,
in simple yet complicated strands.
Majestically crafted to hold his name
as long as it can bear
the weight of her love
PS: The last three lines are inspired from a friend’s status. And she writes much better than I do.
Made of pieces glued together,
strong yet ready to fall apart,
stitched with good intentions,
unsure of what will really last.
When the fragile heart falls
brokenness blamed on the gravity,
but it is through the broken parts
that any light enters
inside our fractured galaxies.
Our country is facing the dilemma of whether it be categorised as tolerant or intolerant. So many debates have sparked off that there seems to be no way out but to tag our country under either of them. One thing worth wondering is that we aren’t thinking about finding a solution to the problems that are actually sparking off the endless debates, but we are just paying heed to the them. How is that going to help us?
I remember reading a related article in reader’s digest. It talked about the beef ban, censor board and important stuff. But why do we never talk about how people kill people over parking issues or how the toll tax guys are beaten up so brutally by some ‘important’ people who think they don’t need to pay any tax. The amir khan controversy is shameful in so many ways. Considering the fact that we have freedom of speech and expression and that whatever he said was just his opinion, there is no point in ridiculing him for it but I guess you must go ahead and do it if you have lots of useless time. Cribbing over petty issues is not going to end the rising intolerance and believe me it is very deep rooted now. We can close our eyes and pretend to not be a part of it, yet someday while you are sitting somewhere ordering beef and suppose you are killed for such an ‘atrocious’ act, then won’t you become a part too? Are you still going to say we are not an intolerant nation?
You are ugly and it won’t change. It is a fact that will stay with you for a large part of your life. But does it matter?
You will be frequently reminded about your looks which don’t seem to be ‘good enough’ to get you married someday. Strange thing. Is that all life is all about? I mean there cannot be a sillier reason. At least when you call someone ugly, don’t tell them that it’s about time you get married and taking care of how you look matters so damn much. Show them the middle finger. Looks, if they matter, should matter all the time.
I think one has to accept themselves. Ugliness of the face though cannot be hidden, but the most important thing to realize is that if you in spite of all these circumstances, you are able to battle yourself out of your own grief and put a smile on other people’s faces, then you’re not really ugly, are you?
Our concepts of body image and beauty are so screwed that we forget the real things that matter. Take care of yourself. There is a world out there struggling for basic things in life, who are in dire need of things that are just enough to sustain them. No, don’t think about them and least of all do not compare. Just know that the level of tragedy that has happened to you is so damn less. It’s next to nothing.
And fuck it! I am so pissed off. But I will let it all slide. There are some better things to do!
I finally reached. I had to ask the new cab driver to pay money to the other one. Also this new cab driver tells me that his car was not broken or anything, he just didn’t want to take a long route when he could get an incentive from small but multiple rides. I was like.. Well whatever.. I just need to reach on time. I am late definitely. And have got nothing good to wear. I am waiting for my father to arrive. They’ll be super angry. Plus I’m super tired. And I just want to go and buy myself a drink, but I won’t be lucky today! Well, I think the cab stories will stay with me for long 😀 well, gotta go!
So here I am.. The cab broke down. I am one lucky person I tell you. Also I have got no money. So this ride ends here and I have to pay him. But I don’t have any money. So I am booking a new cab. And now I’ll have to ask him to pay this guy. I never carry any money. Now let’s see what happens!!!
Grief changes you
For better or worse
Could be either a blessing
Or a curse
Because though we know
Not all our dreams will live
We will always be unsure
Of what life will give
Whether the void
Created by leaving
Will be filled
Whether or not
We will be fixed.
However the only truth that remains is
Not all can be fixed
And in the midst
Of all this
Some brokenness needs to be carried.
The last week was a mess, a terrible mess. And the same sentiments continue to haunt me this week. The day started with waking up early because I had to catch the office bus. The morning commute was nice, only that I reached so early and got so restless in the morning itself. Everything was going at the same pace except when a friend fell ill and had to be taken to the hospital. I avoid hospitals. But anyway, I did go and there’s just one bothering thing that I saw and I am going to let it slide.
There is a lady in my office who usually eats alone. So I and one of my friends saw her yesterday in the cafeteria sitting alone and so we decided to join her. People say she bitches a lot and that’s the reason she has got no company. She did bitch again. But how does it matter anyway?
So today this lady asked me to accompany her to the cafeteria and I readily agreed, considering how pathetic I was feeling sitting there. And she kept on talking. Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen. Well, the best part is she was praising someone in the most genuine manner and the man she was praising might read it and know that it was about him, but then how does that matter anyway.
The evening commute was terrible, let’s just not talk about it.
I am going to miss the chai-sutta stall nearby because they serve the best tea in the world. Yeah, I might be over-exaggerating. But believe me, that’s one thing I am gonna miss so badly. Another thing I am gonna miss is the work definitely. And yet another thing I am gonna miss is.. well, I will always run out of words here. Always!
Yeah, I know I have been shit talking for so long now. But there is a sudden surge of emotions. I wish I could help it. But we are human after all; stupid, illogical creatures.